You know the moment. You’re mid-argument, and then one of you just shuts down. Goes quiet. And the silence is so loud you can barely stand it.

You know the moment. You’re mid-argument, and then one of you just shuts down. Goes quiet. And the silence is so loud you can barely stand it.

When couples are fighting about chores in a relationship, most of the time they're not actually fighting about chores. They're fighting about what the mess means. She sees the dishes and thinks, "He doesn't respect me enough to help." He sees the same dishes and genuinely doesn't register them as a problem. Both experiences are real. But they lead to completely different emotional responses.

Someone wrote in this week and said: "I'm in a six-and-a-half-year relationship, and we can't communicate effectively at all. We end up fighting."

I hear some version of this every single week. And my first response is always the same.

You're stuck in the loop.

I’ve watched couples walk into my office and turn their whole marriage around. I’ve also watched couples try just as hard, show up to every session, do every piece of homework, and still end up divorced.

The difference almost always comes down to three habits.

After 20+ years as a couples therapist, I can tell you: yes. But rebuilding trust after infidelity is one of the hardest things a couple can do, and it only works under very specific conditions. Most of them have to do with what the person who cheated is willing to do.

I've been a therapist for 20 years and a wife for just as long, and I can tell you that it is so common in heterosexual partnerships for dads to get it wrong on Mother's Day. Not because they aren't trying, but sometimes because they are trying too hard - so terrified of getting it wrong that they end up making that reality come true.

A reader wrote in recently. She's 68 years old, been married twice, divorced twice, and has been single for almost nine years. She's been dating a gentleman for about eight months, and they're getting close to the marriage conversation. Her question: What do you think about getting married again later in life?

A client of mine came in recently feeling really depressed and regretful about a decision she and her husband had made. It was torturing her on the inside, and she was feeling lonelier and lonelier in her marriage. I asked her, "Have you shared this with him?" She said, "No, no, no, I haven't." Here's what I told her:

Think about what most couples fight about: money, household responsibilities, parenting decisions, and time management. When you have a personal chef, multiple nannies, housekeepers, personal assistants, and unlimited resources, most of those triggers disappear. The Clooneys don't argue about who forgot to pick up milk or why the kids' lunches aren't packed. They have people for that.

It was an accumulation of many things —my stress levels were high, my reserves were depleted, they were fighting in the backseat, and we were already running late.

We have to be willing to tolerate children doing an incomplete job of mopping the kitchen floor in order for them to learn how to eventually clean the floor well and completely.  And the same goes for husbands. We have to be willing to be patient while they learn to do the things we automatically do…and then feel lonely and resentful for doing. 

When emotional connection fades, desire disappears right along with it. This is especially true for women navigating perimenopause or menopause, where stress hits harder, fatigue sets in faster, and feeling emotionally unseen makes intimacy feel impossible.

When it comes to the big, important things I need to do—like preparing for a speech—I will avoid it until the very last minute. Instead, I will clean out every drawer in my kitchen. I’ll brush my poodle until he looks like a dog cotton ball. I’ll plan a party for 250,000 people.

Struggling with resentment in your marriage? Here’s how one partner changing themselves (instead of trying to change their spouse) transformed their relationship—and how you can do the same.

Don’t you just hate being nagged by your partner? It feels awful on both sides: to be the one asking the questions, or to be the one being asked. It’s like listening to a broken record!

When couples come into my office and tell me they got into the same fight again, I never ask, “Why are you fighting so much?” I ask, “How did you fight?” Because after 20+ years as a couples therapist, here’s what I know for sure: It’s not about how often you disagree, it’s about how you navigate those disagreements.

"It's not really fair to talk about Chris… he's like a unicorn - most husbands are NOT like him." A friend said this to me recently, and while I'd agree that my husband is pretty amazing, it made me realize something important: I don't talk enough about the early parts of our relationship when things were NOT amazing.

If you’re about to get married or want to be married, what I’m about to share are great points to review for yourself or with your spouse-to-be. 

Earlier this week, I was in session with a couple who love each other deeply. Despite all the love and stability, the wife shared something heartbreaking…