The Mental Load in Relationships: Does your husband ask you to find everything?
Last week, I got an email from a reader responding to my newsletter on the invisible weight of gift-giving that so often falls on women:
And listen - I get it! This is a valid response, probably proven right many times.
But whether you believe it or not, our husbands are more capable than we give them credit for.
Think of it this way:
Research shows that children build confidence when they’re given chores and are expected to contribute to the family in meaningful ways.
We have to be willing to tolerate children doing an incomplete job of mopping the kitchen floor in order for them to learn how to eventually clean the floor well and completely.
And the same goes for husbands. We have to be willing to be patient while they learn to do the things we automatically do…and then feel lonely and resentful for doing.
So if you give them the opportunity and the responsibility to pick out a few holiday gifts, change the diaper, replace the mayonnaise, or clean the kitchen, they will do it. And they will learn.
If you can delegate even just a couple of things from your list this holiday season, it can make an impact - not only for you, but for your husband too. He will feel more competent and confident, and he’ll be modeling a healthier, more mature way to be in a relationship for the next generation.
Try it out and let me know how it goes!
Rooting for you,
