The One Thing Your Partner Keeps Asking For (And Why It Matters So Much)

 
An open notebook with the words "The One Thing Your Partner Keeps Asking For," placed beside a coffee cup, pencil, headphones, and succulent plant, symbolizing relationship advice and reflection.
 

Earlier this week, I was in session with a couple who love each other deeply.

They have beautiful children. A wonderful home. A full life.
And, like so many couples I work with, it’s overly full.

When “Full” Becomes Too Much

Despite all the love and stability, the wife shared something heartbreaking:

“I don’t feel like he likes me. Or loves me. Or thinks I’m beautiful.”

She was feeling unseen.

Meanwhile, her husband sat beside her, confused and hurt.
From his perspective, nothing could be further from the truth.

But the way he was showing love?
It wasn’t landing.

“I Come Last”

She told me she didn’t feel like a priority in his day.
And her resentment, especially toward his phone, was sky high.

“It feels like everything else comes before me,” she said.
“Work, emails, group chats… I come last.”

And here’s the thing:
I hear this from couples all the time.

It’s incredible how little attention we end up giving to our partners once life gets crowded.
When we’re just trying to keep the wheels turning with meals, laundry, pickups, work meetings… it’s easy to stop pausing to see each other. To really see each other.


A Simple Assignment That Can Shift Everything

So we came up with a small homework assignment for the month:

Every morning, he’ll text her:
 “Good morning. I love you and I’m thinking about you.”

That’s it.

He’s welcome to add fun little clips, articles, or memes she might enjoy, but the minimum is that text.

Now, I know it might sound ridiculous, especially since she’s often lying in bed right next to him.
 

And he’s worried he’ll forget or that it won’t matter, that it’ll just be another chore on the list to make her happy. He also feels it wouldn’t mean much to him if the roles were reversed. 

But here’s what matters:

It matters to her.

That small act helps her feel respected, loved, and considered at the start of his day. 


The Emotional Cost of Dismissing the Small Stuff

We all have that one recurring request that would make us feel loved and cherished.
And when it’s ignored repeatedly, it starts to quietly wear us down.

I recently came across a brilliant article by Matthew Fray in The Atlantic titled The Marriage Lesson That I Learned Too Late. He writes:

“The things that destroy love and marriage often disguise themselves as unimportant.”

Let that sink in.

It’s not always the big betrayals that unravel a relationship.
It’s the tiny, repeated moments of dismissal, the slow erosion of care, and the unresolved, unmet needs.

 
A notebook page with the word "Homework" written next to a checked box, symbolizing relationship homework or a completed couples exercise.
 


Your Homework This Week

Here’s what I invite you to try:

Notice the ongoing request your partner makes. Then, do it.

It might be:

  • Putting your phone away at dinner

  • Loading the dishwasher the way they like

  • Being on time when you’ve agreed to leave

It likely feels small, or maybe even silly to you.

But to them?

It means the world.


The Win-Win of Showing Up

When you meet that need by doing the thing that matters to them, it’s not just for their benefit.

It’s for yours, too.

Because:
✔️ Your partner feels loved, respected, and cherished
✔️ You feel like a rockstar for making them feel loved, respected, and cherished

It’s a win-win.
And it’s the kind of small but mighty shift that rebuilds connection, one day at a time.


I’m rooting for you,

 
 

👉 P.S. Want more ways to shift your communication patterns?

Start here:

 
 
Andrea Dindinger