Infidelity: When You Think They’re Cheating, But You're Not Sure

 
A woman with long hair stands in front of a large window, arms crossed gently over her chest, gazing out at the city during golden hour—capturing a quiet moment of reflection and emotional uncertainty.
 

I got this question from a reader recently, and I wanted to share it with you because it’s one I hear often, sometimes in different words, but with the same sentiment:

“I believe my boyfriend is cheating on me - deep down in my stomach, I feel it - but I’m not sure. My heart and mind are all over the place. I don’t know what to think. Please help?”

If you’ve ever found yourself asking a similar question, please know that you're not alone, and you're not overreacting. The truth is, when something feels off, it often is. Even if there’s no physical betrayal, the emotional distance, the disconnect you feel…it matters. And it’s worth listening to.

First things first: Take care of you.

When you’re spinning in uncertainty, the most grounding thing you can do is come back to yourself. I always tell people: start by tending to the part of you that’s scared, confused, and hurting. That version of you doesn’t need answers right away. She needs comfort.

1. Speak the truth of what you're feeling.
Even if you don’t have proof, your experience is real. Try something like,
"I’ve been feeling a shift between us lately. You seem more distant, and it’s been really hard for me."
 You’re not accusing, you’re simply expressing. You deserve to be in a relationship where your emotional experience is welcomed, not minimized.

2. Protect your nervous system.
This is big. When anxiety is high, your body holds the weight of it. So eat. Sleep. Move. I always tell my clients: walk, dance, stretch—whatever helps your body feel safe again. Because when your body feels calm, your mind can start to settle too.

3. Remember: your worth is not up for debate.
I have this belief that we meet seven great loves in our lifetime, and not all of them are meant to stay. If someone can’t meet you fully, that doesn’t say anything about your value. You are not “too much.” You are just asking for a kind of love that’s honest and consistent—and that is more than okay.

4. Guard your peace.
When you’re unsure if someone’s being faithful, it can be easy to spiral. But I always say: Don’t hand over your peace so quickly. You are allowed to step back and reclaim your stillness, even before you get clarity from them.

5. Trust your intuition.
That voice inside you—the one whispering that something feels off—is worth listening to. I say this all the time:
"You know what you know, even when you don’t know how you know it."
 If your gut is speaking, get quiet enough to hear it.

Some signs they might be cheating…

 
Bright red flags waving against a pale blue sky, symbolizing warning signs or red flags in a relationship.
 

I don’t love turning relationships into checklists, but if you’re looking for behavioral red flags, here are a few patterns I’ve seen in my therapy work:

  • A sudden and unexplained interest in appearance (new clothes, grooming, working out)

  • Increased time away, often with vague or shifting explanations

  • Defensive responses to simple, direct questions

  • Guarding their phone or being extra private with texts and calls

  • That gut feeling you just can’t seem to shake

If any of these sound familiar, I want you to be gentle with yourself. Even the question of infidelity can create a deep rupture in your sense of trust and connection.

And if you do discover you’ve been cheated on…

Breathe. I know this pain. I’ve sat with so many people in this exact moment, and what I always tell them is: This is not the end of your story. Yes, betrayal hurts deeply, but it’s not the final chapter. It’s a painful moment, but also a doorway into healing.

You are not broken. You are not unlovable. You are someone who loves deeply, and that’s a gift.

Take the time to grieve, to feel, to reflect. And know that you don’t have to move through it alone.

If this resonated with you, and you want support navigating a confusing or painful moment in your relationship, I’m here. You’re allowed to ask for help. You’re allowed to want more.

With warmth,

 
 

👉 P.S. Want more tips for building connection in your relationship? Check out these posts for more.

 

Ready to shift the dynamic in your relationship?

Start here👇🏼

 
Andrea Dindinger