How Alcohol Affects Your Relationship (and What to Do About It)

 
Concerned woman next to man drinking, showing relationship strain.
 

It was supposed to be a fun night. A couple of drinks, some laughs, maybe even a romantic moment or two. But instead… you’re in a fight that feels like it came out of nowhere.

As a therapist who’s worked with couples for over two decades, I always ask two questions when someone tells me about a big fight:

  1. What time did it happen?

  2. Were you drinking?

Because more often than not, when alcohol is in the mix, it can make you argue with your partner.

Why Alcohol Triggers Conflict in Relationships

Alcohol lowers our inhibitions, slows our processing, and makes us more reactive. We’re quicker to say something we don’t mean, or take something more personally than we would otherwise.

It’s no surprise, then, that many relationship blowouts happen after a few drinks. Not because the problems aren’t real, but because we’re not in the right state to work through them.

What to Do When You Argue After Drinking

If something gets stirred up while drinking, there are healthy ways to make up. The most loving thing you can do in the moment is to hit pause.

I teach a process called the Trigger Pause Process, which helps couples stop the downward spiral before it starts.

 
Close-up of hands making a time-out gesture, symbolizing a pause during conflict or argument.
 

Here’s how it works:

1. Pause the conversation.
 Acknowledge that now might not be the best time to work through the issue.

2. Set a specific time to revisit.
I recommend waiting a full 48 hours when there is alcohol involved. Why? Because the day after drinking, your body is often tired, moody, and in a dopamine dip. Trying to resolve conflict in that state rarely ends well.

3. Come back when you're both grounded.
Let your nervous system reset. Then return to the conversation with clarity and compassion.

From there, you’ll have the perspective to see what happened from a non-triggered place. You can talk about what really happened and how you want to navigate it going forward. 

You might even want to set up some boundaries with alcohol going forward…

How Couples Manage Alcohol in Their Relationship

In my practice, I’ve seen all kinds of approaches. Some couples choose to take a break from alcohol altogether. Others set simple boundaries like “no drinking before date night” so they can be emotionally present.

And then there are those who make the bold decision to get sober for themselves and for the health of the relationship.

Only you know if you have to quit drinking entirely. But I think everyone can benefit from getting conscious about how it’s showing up in your connection.

Reflect: Is Alcohol Supporting or Sabotaging Your Connection?

This week, notice the role alcohol plays in your relationship. Does it help you unwind and connect? Or does it create distance and tension?

If something needs to shift, start small. A conversation. A pause. A new habit.

It’s not about perfection. It’s about presence.

To your love,

 
 

👉 p.s. If alcohol feels like a bigger issue—for you or your partner—you’re not alone. You might consider:

  • Talking to a couples therapist who can help you navigate the role of alcohol in your relationship.

  • Checking out resources like Alcoholics Anonymous, SMART Recovery, or The Luckiest Club for more mindful approaches to drinking.

  • Exploring sober-curious communities that offer support without shame.

Getting support isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a sign that you’re ready for real connection.

 

Ready to shift the dynamic in your relationship?

Start here👇🏼

 
Andrea Dindinger