It seems like everyone either knows someone who’s been laid off recently, or they’ve experienced it themselves. And if you didn’t personally experience a layoff, you are likely affected in other ways by the overall stressful wave of layoffs.

When you start your question with “why,” you are putting the other person in the position of having to defend themselves. When someone feels defensive in the conversation, it becomes a competition, and then someone must win. This leads to more fighting and thus more disconnection, which can lead to bigger rifts down the road.

Ever feel like you’re doing more than your partner? Taking on more of the workload in your relationship? If so, you’re not alone.

Just like you might have weekly meetings with your manager or various team members at your workplace to create more efficiency and communication, it’s just as important to make time for a weekly check in with your partner.

If you caught my blog post a couple of weeks ago, you’ll remember the analogy I proposed around the tide changes within our relationships. Sometimes, the tide is in and we feel close, sometimes it’s out and we feel more distant.

The tide comes in. The tide goes out. You inhale. You exhale. The sun rises. The sun sets. Expansion. Contraction. Relationships also have a rhythm.

Her response was to take better care of herself, so she didn’t miss out on the fun. But she still mused over the fact that if he took better care of himself, they’d have less conflict in their marriage.

We’ve been told that self-care helps you feel better, but have you heard that self-care makes you sexier?  

Instead of getting on the defensive side, get curious about what your feelings triggered for them - without getting triggered yourself. 

Ever get frustrated with your partner? 

Maybe they haven’t acknowledged that you are the only one who ever does the food shopping - and so you feel under-appreciated. 

So while I know that pain is necessary and we can’t really avoid that part of it, we can learn to communicate better, which will help ease the pain - or at least not prolong it. 

Boredom. It’s an uncomfortable feeling that most people try to resist or distract themselves from feeling. But what if boredom was actually an opportunity to lean in and get curious?

A client of mine, let’s call her Lena, is always the driver. Her husband is always in the passenger seat when they are in the car together. They’ve learned over time that Lena’s anxiety is managed best this way, and it prevents them from getting into fights. 

We don’t often sit down and talk about ways it can work better, how we can be a better team. It’s often easier to point the finger outward rather than asking ourselves what we can do better. 

In-laws are tricky relationships. And, they can become more tricky because we usually don’t talk about the relationship dynamics directly. Instead, we smile politely while clenching our jaw, clenching our insides, and playing “nice” when the last thing we feel inside is nice. 

You feel like something is missing. It's’ never just one thing and it’s never just one person. It could be friends who have moved away or friendships that changed through covid, plus not connecting with your spouse and feeling stressed about work. 

Now let me be clear - There’s no judgment around what size bed you have, it’s just a place of reflection to notice. Would you feel happier in your marriage if you had more space in bed? Would you feel more connected if you had a smaller bed? 

Have you ever been disappointed on Valentine’s Day? Or are you a rockstar requester for what you desire? (orrrrr is your partner psychic?!)

Do you feel like you’re always the one to step up and take leadership in your relationship? If so, how do you feel about it? 

It’s easy to get frustrated in moments when you ask for support but don’t get exactly what you need - or when something doesn’t get done in exactly the way you would do it yourself.